Solitude

It’s taken a long time to realize I am still unraveling into alone-ness, still figuring out where I’m comfortable on my own, still re-arranging my days and seeking control. Solitude helps with listening and noticing these things, noticing when you thought you were super chill and calm but you were really like an octopus, holding different tools for different tasks at once, not sure what to do next.

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Listening:

the lady who owns the coffeeshop jumps from topic to topic and doesn’t always listen

the librarian makes exchanges more complicated than she needs to

seagull-sounding birds are chatty in the morning

pigeons sound like rude humpers on the roof

people jam their shopping carts harder than necessary when they return them in Whole Foods

I say ‘lo now instead of Hello

one dog who restlessly barks a lot in the mornings has a voice and a tone of bark that sounds like he’s trying to let someone know that he had a nightmare and he’s glad he’s awake now

the dog that answers him, later, when they are hot and grumpy in the afternoon, is just lonely and argumentative

Noticing

some front porches really need to be used more

a lot of women do a lot of things alone, in public

the cleaning staff comes mid-afternoon at most houses on one block

people two blocks away from me hire private patrol services

there’s a trampoline in front of the house on the corner of Jefferson and Pyrtania

a house has a bright pink door

another has a bright pink…everything, and it’s at the end of a street that doesn’t continue

there’s a pretty blue Ford truck on my street

there’s a shady screened in porch on Perrier

if you melt the butter too much and you freeze the dough first overnight, you can produce the best (according to me) type of chocolate chip cookie: crispy and not chewy or cake-y, but chocolate is melty somehow amidst the crunch

silicone baking muffin pans are kind of cool and helpful with the above

i feel like i’m hanging out with a person whose house i’m in. hi, Ks

About alison barker