Clearing dead weight/in me/ so the Salon can Begin

Welcome to the Beached Whale Salon aka the inside of my head/the living room in my mind. Picture the inside of a parade float in the shape of a whale–it’s about 10 feet high and 6 feet wide. At this point, memory of Chewbacchus’ whale float weakens, and I use my imagination to decorate the interior of my salon for my friends. I am scrambling around, trying to get ready for their visit. Susan and DeWitt are coming! I’m all aflutter with excitement. I double-check my stock of fancy whisky and white wine. I verify that the onions are sequestered to the back of the fridge, far away from cheeses and pancakes and poboys and the makings for pizza. All of the stuff my friends like–you have to know these things before a salon.

We are in my head, a.k.a. the Beached Whale. There is really no room for anything superfluous; and so I start by downsizing my books. I’m the sort of person who holds onto everything, in the hopes (or fears?) that everything will one day come “in handy” again. And so I save prescription medicines from over a decade ago, bags of make up I’ll never wear, postcards and holiday cards and old address books and yellowing teacher planners, half filled. Oh, mostly-burnt candles, business cards from once-glistening avenues of friendship and more. I shake open a few trash bags. If the inside of my head is to host two witty friends with discriminating tastes, I must be ruthless in my quest to make the inside of my head habitable, hospitable, & hairball-less.

The Beached Whale Salon can’t tolerate all that hanger-onner stuff. The space is tight. I want to make sure my friends are comfortable, so I take a hard look at all the baggage I cart around with me–and today I see my possessions with new scrutiny. A travel guide to Los Angeles from 2001? Lesser-loved novels by writers I generally adore? Photography books pushed on me by well-meaning friends 12+ years ago, yet to be read by me? Page turners that would delight new eyes, but won’t be cracked again by these hands? I found around 100 books to donate today. I loaded them into bags in the backseat of my Honda, and drove them to local little libraries posted in front of people’s homes across the city.discard booksThere is something satisfying about parting with books that have eyed me from bookshelves, collecting dust for years. I noticed I have more of a relationship with the color and design of their spines at this point than I do with their contents. Having Black on White: Black writers on what it means to be white and Bisexuality Reader  meant I was a certain type of person. By lining them up on my shelves and nodding at their titles every day or so, I had credit in my interesting person account. I pay money and spend time moving these books from city to city, never to share new experiences with them. Well, you know what? Aime Cesaire and Franz Fanon and This Bridge Called My Back. If I no longer own those books, do I lose points in my Aware and Interesting Person account? When I get rid of The Bisexual Reader, does bisexuality cease to exist? Does Ruth Ozeki’s plot structure stop amazing me if I put A Tale for the Time Being in the donation bag? The book on how to draw like Picasso, inscribed by an ex-boyfriend, along with that women’s self-help guide gifted by a mother of a California middle school student I had around the time of 9/11… they all perch hopefully in miniature libraries across New Orleans now.

“To Alison on her 13th birthday. Love, Mari.” is inscribed in a large hardcover copy of The Ghost Stories of M.R. James. Now someone else can be edified by all of these interesting voices.

Who are we when the stuff we’ve collected to bolster us is gone? Guess I’ll find out. There’s no way Susan and DeWitt could sit down in here with all this crap taking up the floor space. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned this year, it’s that friends are what keep our brains working and hearts pumping, not stuff.

broken legoAlmost ready to host my friends. Just need to clean up the big pile of Legos in the floor. I will unroll a nice big rug so my friends can take their shoes off if they like. And I will move the solid pine coffee tables into the Beached Whale so people can put their drinks and snacks on something stable. After that I will find them each a special chair.

About alison barker